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Britain’s first case of deadly Aryan flu

News in Brief: Friday, March 24th, 2006
Nick Griffin - Aryan Race
Nick Griffin is watching you.

Officials say tests have confirmed Britain’s first cases of the deadly H5N9 strain of flu.

A spokesperson for the European Union’s Reference Laboratory for Aryan Influenza said “This virus poses a large-scale threat to all humans of Indo-European origins. Well, the noble ones anyway.”

As a precuation, some experts suggest speaking exclusively in Indo-European languages but Mikey Stewart Chamberlain, great grandson of British author Houston Stewart Chamberlain disagreed: “This is a discerning virus. It cares not for ethno-linguistic origins. If your eyes are blue, you’ll get the flu.”

UK Students charged under terror act

News: Thursday, March 9th, 2006
Maps: Terrorist information
Maps: Terrorist information

Two teenage students have been charged in connection with an investigation into suspected terrorist activity abroad, police have said.

Irfan Raja, 18, from Ilford, Essex, was charged with making a record of information likely to be useful to a terrorist. Awaab Iqbal, 18, from Bradford, was charged with possessing information likely to be useful to a terrorist. They are both charged under section 58 of the Terrorism Act.

For security reasons, the highly not flawed Terrorism Act does not clearly define “information likely to be useful to a terrorist”. Sir Ian Blair, Britain’s most senior policeman (76 years old) issued a list of items to help the public turn in their friends and colleagues:

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Tony Blair: Guantanamo Media Anomaly

News in Brief: Friday, February 24th, 2006
Tony Blair, War Criminal, Guantanamo Bay
Tony Blair, War Criminal

At a Downing Street press conference yesterday, the Prime Minister explained his party’s stance on the US prison camps in Cuba. “I have said all I want to say on Guantanamo,” he said. “I have said it is an anomaly. I have said it should end sooner rather than later.”

Mr. Blair elaborated on his definition of anomaly: “Both my own government and the Bush administration have taken steps to infringe on the human rights of millions of people at home and abroad. We routinely torture and murder, and support regimes that torture and murder, all in the name of ‘national security’. In the name of ‘anti-terrorism’. To protect our corporation’s profit margins. To keep your cars running. The anomaly with Guantanamo bay is that it’s being reported in the mainstream media, and this should end sooner rather than later.”

“The status-quo is not to be challenged like this,” he added.

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Shop regrets harassing paying customer

News: Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
Kay Partcunt, hood wearer
Kay Partcnut, educator, hood wearer
and pint sized assassin of Venice

A 58-year old school teacher has made the news after being forced to obey an arbitrary rule designed to ostracise and penalise a specific, largely defenseless, group of society.

Kay Partcnut was challenged by a security guard over her decision to wear a hooded top while shopping at her local supermarket.

“I told him ‘no, my hair’s a mess’. But I did oblige because rules are there for a reason and should be obeyed no matter what,” she said after she had recovered from the horrific, newsworthy, agenda-promoting incident.

“I couldn’t believe he was talking to me though. I’m supposed to look like a nasty thug? Thugs are not white, middle-aged or female; it says so in the Daily Mail.”

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Cheney denies responsibility

News: Monday, February 20th, 2006
Little Dick Cheney
Little Dick Cheney

Last week, the New York Times, swiftly followed by other news outlets reported that US Vice President Dick Cheney “Takes Full Responsibility” for accidentally shooting fellow hunter Harry Whittington. This martyraic statement allegedly came from a Fox News interview with Cheney by top Fox dog Brit Hume.

While the news conglomerates kept using the phrase “full responsibility” the transcript of the interview shows that Dick never used any form of the word “responsibility.” Further investigations shows Cheney also didn’t use the words “Takes”or “Full”. And in fact, has no capacity for responsibility of any kind, positive or negative.

Bayesian statistical analysis of the interview found that the vice president didn’t actually discuss the shooting at all. He didn’t even mention hunting, of quails or otherwise. In fact, during a short phone call with a member of the FoxNews team he revealed that Dick Cheney only agreed to the interview on the condition that he didn’t need to speak at all.

A later phone call with Brit Hume himself confirmed that not only did Fox News never actually interview Dick Cheney, there is no Dick Cheney. The post of “US Vice President” has historically only been symbolic.

Asked about the non-existence of Mr. Cheney, President George W. Bush said “no comment”.

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Dick Cheney Directly Harms Human

News: Monday, February 13th, 2006
Dick Cheney, Gun finger
Dick Cheney, gun man

US Vice President Dick Cheney broke convention this weekend and actually directly harmed another human being. Dick was hunting for quail on a Texas ranch yesterday where he accidentally shot and wounded a companion. “I was utterly shocked” said Katharine Armstrong, the ranch’s owner. “Seeing Dick Cheney causing pain and suffering to a fellow sentient being was something I just wasn’t prepared for.”

Cheney, clearly not used to such hands-on experience with violence, was visibly moved by the incident: “All this red stuff flew out of holes in his face. It made a squelching sound. I got some on my hands. It was pretty awesome.”

As is well documented, Mr. Cheney is responsible for the pain, suffering and death of millions of people around the world who are the victims of US foreign policy. This is the first case of him actually being within 1000 miles of the event and it may well seem to be the first involving a wealthy, white, male victim.

Asked if he was worried about possible manslaughter charges if the victim should die, the Vice President roared with immense laughter for 15 minutes, pausing only to execute the questioning journalist.

Breathing danger: Young people at risk

News: Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
Group of kids, engaging in the dangerous practice of breathing
A breath dealer provides
their next fix

In the wake of the death of a youngster attributed to a lip piercing gone MAD, leading doctors have given warnings about other activities that young people are involved with which could lead to disease, death or even worse.

“Clinical statistics show that almost 100% of young people have breathed within an hour of their death,” said Dr Simon Reactionary, chief registrar of the Daily Express Hospital for white Christians and soft-porn stars, Battersea. “We are aware that a growing number of children and young people are becoming involved in this deviant practice of breathing and it can only lead to unnecessary injury and untimely deaths. The government has given us £17million to fund a five year research project to investigate this causality further – which shows they are taking the problem seriously – and we are hoping for laws to be introduced in the next few months to curtail the take up of this dangerous habit.”

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Rapist’s SICK benefits package

News: Sunday, August 7th, 2005

Sick rape fiend monsterRobert Excell, the UK-born convicted child rape fiend deported to Britain from Australia arrived at Heathrow last week amid controversy about his benefits package. It is said that the predatory young-boy molesting savage monster devil, who spent almost 148 years in total incarcerated down under, will cost the British tax payer over £100,000 a year EACH. Some of his benefits include:

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Muslims go home

News: Saturday, July 9th, 2005
Arab with Falcon
British Muslims urged to blend in

Muslims in the UK have been advised to stay indoors to avoid revenge attacks over the bombings in London today. Concerned about a possible backlash, the British Ministry of Islamic Human Rights has issued a list of recommendations for Muslims in Britain to follow:

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London bombs: Queen not dead

News: Thursday, July 7th, 2005

breaking news: queen is okThe news that the nation has been waiting to hear has finally been confirmed: frequent tube traveler Queen Elizabeth II has announced that she is alright. She then went on to stun reporters by claiming to be shocked by the events rather than express smugness or take responsibility herself for the explosions as had been predicted. … With at least 33 people reported dead and hundreds more injured, other important and famous people are jostling for attention. We, being the obedient lapdogs of the elite that we are, give it to them.

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BREAKING NEWS: ID card prevents London explosions

News in Brief: Thursday, July 7th, 2005

Within minutes of the reports of explosions in tube stations and busses in London, the Home Office has issued a statement:

“Whether these explosions were caused by bombs, terrorismists, communist dictators, weapons of mass destruction or a leaking gas main, we’re confident our proposed ID card system would have prevented it. We are also confident that if there hadn’t even been any explosions today, we would have our ID scheme to thank.”

No further information is available on the number of casualties, but Number 10 has suggested they have already found links to the Middle Eastern country Iran.

Bibles spread super disease

News in Brief: Wednesday, June 29th, 2005

a disease spreading bibleHospitals in Leicester UK are considering removing bedside Bibles due to recent suggestions that they spread disease. “Our own trials have confirmed these suggestions” said Hospital director Dr. Blackbile. “The trials clearly show that Bibles spread disease, specifically the super bug Christianity.”

The Christianity disease is unique in that it spreads through not only human contact but through most forms of human communication including, as in this case, the written word. Christianity uses the promise of infinite love and happiness to lure victims, who are very quickly overcome with “faith” and soon succumb to prayer.

But Brian Leaklittle, executive director of Gideons International headquarters, situated at the centre of the earth in a reality-proof bunker said: “They are saying that Christianity can cause death, and we say that is nonsense. I know of no Christian who died due to his involvement in Christianity. Well, except for that Jesus bloke.”

A recent British Medical Journal article made recommendations to help slow the spread of Christianity. “Firstly, flourinate the water supply. Secondly, biometric ID cards. Thirdly, invade Syria.”. A brittle-boned BMJ spokesperson explained the work behind the study. “We did some statistical analysis. Lots of numbers; lots of them. We used lots of averaging.”

Government to target music industry health threat

News in Brief: Wednesday, June 1st, 2005

Health professionals this week called on government and parliament to pass legislation to protect people from the dangers of the music industry.

“The music business is dangerous and if the current use trend continues it is estimated that by 2010, thousands of young professional musicians will die from celebrity-related diseases, such as drug abuse and depression.”
said spokesperson Dr. Thompson.

“This industry takes enthusiastic, talented people and exploits them, endangering their health. And in another case they exploited Brian Harvey, of East 17.”

UK soldier killed in Iraq attack

News in Brief: Sunday, May 29th, 2005

The Ministry of Defence has announced that a British soldier died in Southern Iraq after his convoy was attacked. Lieutenant Skabbi Hijabi, of the Iraqi police, described the incident to New World Odour.

“The convoy was attacked by either ‘freedom fighters’, or insurgents. To be honest, it’s difficult to tell them apart. In the confusion, the British soldier was distracted long enough for him to trip over several charred corpses of Iraqi children. He fell onto the body of an American soldier, and inhaled lethal levels of radioactive depleted uranium dust. With medical attention we might have been able to keep him alive for a few hours, but friendly fire killed the doctors.”

The MoD has issued a premium rate phone number for relatives worried about the welfare of family members serving in Iraq. The proceeds will be used to drop more food parcels and cluster bombs.

Regime change

Administrivia: Tuesday, May 24th, 2005

The revolution is over. The coup was successful. New World Odour is now different. The world will never be the same again. Unless we go back to the old scheme which, to be honest, wouldn’t be that difficult.

The new regime’s manifesto covers this single issue: We no longer do monthly issues. New articles will now be published as they are written. Those of you paying attention may notice we’ve not done a monthly issue for almost a year. A gold star for you.

We’re currently adding all the old content from the previous issue format but will be creating new content from now. The old issues will remain online as a historical record, but you may not discuss them. Tell your friends and enemies.

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