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Muslims go home

News: Saturday, July 9th, 2005
Arab with Falcon
British Muslims urged to blend in

Muslims in the UK have been advised to stay indoors to avoid revenge attacks over the bombings in London today. Concerned about a possible backlash, the British Ministry of Islamic Human Rights has issued a list of recommendations for Muslims in Britain to follow:

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London bombs: Queen not dead

News: Thursday, July 7th, 2005

breaking news: queen is okThe news that the nation has been waiting to hear has finally been confirmed: frequent tube traveler Queen Elizabeth II has announced that she is alright. She then went on to stun reporters by claiming to be shocked by the events rather than express smugness or take responsibility herself for the explosions as had been predicted. … With at least 33 people reported dead and hundreds more injured, other important and famous people are jostling for attention. We, being the obedient lapdogs of the elite that we are, give it to them.

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BREAKING NEWS: ID card prevents London explosions

News in Brief: Thursday, July 7th, 2005

Within minutes of the reports of explosions in tube stations and busses in London, the Home Office has issued a statement:

“Whether these explosions were caused by bombs, terrorismists, communist dictators, weapons of mass destruction or a leaking gas main, we’re confident our proposed ID card system would have prevented it. We are also confident that if there hadn’t even been any explosions today, we would have our ID scheme to thank.”

No further information is available on the number of casualties, but Number 10 has suggested they have already found links to the Middle Eastern country Iran.

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