Britain’s first case of deadly Aryan flu

Nick Griffin is watching you.
Kinda.

Officials say tests have confirmed Britain’s first cases of the deadly H5N9 strain of flu.

A spokesperson for the European Union’s Reference Laboratory for Aryan Influenza said “This virus poses a large-scale threat to all humans of Indo-European origins. Well, the noble ones anyway.”

As a precuation, some experts suggest speaking exclusively in Indo-European languages but Mikey Stewart Chamberlain, great grandson of British author Houston Stewart Chamberlain disagreed: “This is a discerning virus. It cares not for ethno-linguistic origins. If your eyes are blue, you’ll get the flu.”