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Bushy Wonka and his politics factory

News: Thursday, July 8th, 2004

Willy BushFearing that appearing inaccessible and out-of-touch may lose him voters come November, George Wubbleyoo Bush has announced unprecedented plans to open up his administration to select members of the viewing public.

Intelligence sources close to Bush have reacted with alarm to this move and have demanded that access to the “politics factory” will only be granted to the five lucky voters who find special foil tickets in specific locations. The vouchers, gold in colour, will be hidden inside gay marriage licences, Amnesty International reports and prints of Michael Moore’s “Fahrenheit 9/11″. Wannabe visitors are recommended to tear up said artefacts in order to see whether a ticket is contained within.

willy bush

Come with me and you’ll be
In a world of US domination
Take a look and you’ll see
Britain’s assimilation

We’ll begin, warring
Trav’ling in the world of my creation
What we’ll do will defy
UN Regulation

If you want to invade paradise
Just drop the bomb ‘n’ nuke it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to rule the world?
there’s nothing to it.

Once inside the Whitehouse, visitors will have the chance to meet all the key members of his administration including Condoleezza “Beauregarde” Rice, reknowned for her constant chewing up and spitting out of the “bad guys” such as hippy liberals and independent investigating committeees, and “Mike Pornee” Ashcroft. “Veruca Dick” Cheney and Donald RumsGloop may also put in an appearance if they can tear themselves away from eating golden goose eggs and every single slice of the Iraqi pie.

Who can fuck up I-raq?
Torture an arab man or two?
Make ev’ry single Muslim hate ev’ry single Jew?
The US Government can
Oh, the US Goverment can!

Who can sue Greenpeace?
Cause climate change a’new?
Exploit ev’ry oil country for ev’ry drop o’th’ goo?
The US Government can
Oh, the US Goverment can!

Who can impoverise his country?
Foster a culture of ‘blame and sue’?
Strip out all the welfare til they’re totalling fucking you?
The US Government can
Oh, the US Goverment can!

The special guests will also be shown the top secret inventions being developed in the factory like the anti-terrorist gobstopper, heterosexuality liquor (“curing is dandy, but legislation is quicker”) and WMD-flavoured lickable wallpaper.

Bush will also use the tours to dispel rumours of the use of east Asian (and Myanmar) sweatshops by the administration by showcasing the prolific use of Oompa Loompa in political office and in the military.

“Oompa loompa dumpa dee die, You should see us orange guys fly; Oompa loompa dumpa dee dine, When we step on an Iraqi landmine,” sang an Oompa Loompa spokesgroup earlier today.

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