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The Real Heroes: High-Tech Weaponry

News: Thursday, May 8th, 2003

Now that the war in Iraq is officially over and we can forget about Iraqi people, it is time to focus on the unsung heroes of this war, the high-tech weaponry and systems which allow the USA to defend all of our freedoms from rogue third world countries. I’ll spell potato any goddamn way I like!

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Roadmap to the Axis of Peace

News: Sunday, May 4th, 2003

Middle East A-Z mapPolitical leaders across the Middle East are considering their responses to the long-delayed presentation of the so-called “roadmap” to peace in the region.

Understanding that some people in position of power have learning difficulties and/or are stupid, NWO has drawn up its own peace atlas to the region in these terrifically turbulent but terribly terrific times.

Country by country, this helpful dossier combines useful information, helpful travel advice and the great American plan for its future. Tony Blair has also made his own contribution by providing a ‘Do they have WMD?’ rating. He has promised, crossed his heart and hoped to die (or at least ‘sticked’ his finger is his eye), to resign if he is wrong on any of his comments.

The information can be transferred onto flash cards or cut-and-paste into a “Learn with Barney” program to help intellectually-challenged commanders in chief pick up the valuable material herewith.

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How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

News: Sunday, April 13th, 2003

Fallout Shelter SignFact: Unsurvivable “nuclear winter” is a discredited theory that .. has been used to frighten additional millions into believing that trying to survive a nuclear war is a waste of effort and resources, and that only by ridding the world of almost all nuclear weapons do we have a chance of surviving.” Or, in other words, “only commie pansies want to ban nuk’u'lar weapons. Grow up and take it like a man. A man bunkered down under 4 foot of concrete but a man all the same.”

Top Five Ways to Identify a Nuclear Attack is Taking Place

  1. bright light
  2. heat
  3. loud bang
  4. vaporisation of dining companions
  5. your silhouette etched permanently into nearby igneous rock

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Godzilla vs. Code Red

News: Thursday, April 10th, 2003

Godzilla, chillin.With a number of Internet worms causing problems again over the last few months we’re “re-printing” this old article poking fun at the panic stricken Internet security community. Originally published Autumn 2001.

Last month saw the Internet infrastructure threatened by the 5th horse-person of the apocalypse; the 22nd plague; a creeping death; the seventh seal of computer virii; the true Armageddon. Your first born are not safe. Last month saw the Code Red worm.

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Open Letter to “President” Bush

News: Tuesday, April 8th, 2003

The Commander in Chef, George UU. BushDear “President” Bush.

we are writing to you in the hope that you can read. If not, we trust someone will read it aloud for you. Hi Tony.

We are avid watchers of the television (which we am sure you will appreciate) and we could not help noticing the unpleasant situation in which the international community now finds itself. May we be so bold as to propose a radical new solution. Don’t be afraid, it isn’t communism, it’s something even better.

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