Catherine Zeta Moans

Catherine Zeta Jones is threatening litigation against the tabloid press and ‘Hello’ magazine for a recent lack of coverage. Star of “Romancing the Stone” and “War of the Roses”, Jones is reported as saying “I’m far too interesting to be ignored, you ignorant English wankers. I was in ‘Darling Buds of May’ for Christ’s sake, boyo. Look at me! Look at meeee!” Jones’ husband, actor Kirk Douglas (’Escape from New York’), attempted to add weight to his wife’s case with the statement: “I get to bone her. Cool.”