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Dick Cheney Directly Harms Human

News: Monday, February 13th, 2006
Dick Cheney, Gun finger
Dick Cheney, gun man

US Vice President Dick Cheney broke convention this weekend and actually directly harmed another human being. Dick was hunting for quail on a Texas ranch yesterday where he accidentally shot and wounded a companion. “I was utterly shocked” said Katharine Armstrong, the ranch’s owner. “Seeing Dick Cheney causing pain and suffering to a fellow sentient being was something I just wasn’t prepared for.”

Cheney, clearly not used to such hands-on experience with violence, was visibly moved by the incident: “All this red stuff flew out of holes in his face. It made a squelching sound. I got some on my hands. It was pretty awesome.”

As is well documented, Mr. Cheney is responsible for the pain, suffering and death of millions of people around the world who are the victims of US foreign policy. This is the first case of him actually being within 1000 miles of the event and it may well seem to be the first involving a wealthy, white, male victim.

Asked if he was worried about possible manslaughter charges if the victim should die, the Vice President roared with immense laughter for 15 minutes, pausing only to execute the questioning journalist.

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