Esso Forecourt Under Occupation

Swiss military forces acting under command from Vaduz (Lichtenstein) today took control of an Esso forecourt in the town of Malbun (also in Lichtenstein). The chief of state Hans Addams says that “This projection of power is to show the world that we are not a small country and that we are capable of invading U.S. soil, we can take control of any oil we like, furthermore Richard Pearle is a, how you say, bad-smelling dogs penis.” It is believed that the military action is a result of statements made by Pearle (Pentagon hawk and fraudster) suggesting in a flippant tone that perhaps Lichtenstein should the worlds preeminent “keeper of peace”. Lichtenstein has also removed its ambassador and UN representative Claudia Fritsche from the USA.