Fucktards mail tardy

The UK Post Office (nee, Consignicrap) is in hot water again after a a consumer watchdog reported 14.4 million letters are lost by the “clueless fucktards” every year, 60% of which were simply stuffed through the wrong letterbox. Royal Mail spokesperson Patrick Post agreed to talk to NWO on the condition that he could be barricaded safely behind throttle-proof glass for the duration. “Look, delivering mail is hard, okay? I mean you know some people don’t even have numbers on their doors? My god, what a country!” he panted, somewhat pathetically while stroking his black and white cat.

When our mailhound reporter pressed the matter, suggesting the report was even more embarrasing considering the recent price hikes on first class stamps, he became flustered: “listen, the Post Office has got a lot on its plate you know, what with the CIA needing to intercept so much mail and everything. It’s not surprising that, on occasion, items get delayed, misdelivered or opened up by the boys in the mailroom for a giggle. As it is we offer an excellent service, where our customers can stick a 27 pence stamp on an envelope and feel at least 32% certain it will reach its destination untampered with and in a timely fashion. Christ, have you ever tried to post a letter in India? You people are so fucking spoiled. The Royal Mail is the finest postal service in the world! Woo! Yeah!”

We were apparantly sent written consent to publish the words of Mister Post, but all that arrived was a card saying “Merry Christmas Grandma, let’s make your last 3 months special. please call.”