Idol Idol

Hot on the heels of “Pop Idol” (talentless pretty people singing), “Yacht Idol” (talentless pretty people sailing) and “Poll Idol” (talentless pretty people governing), ITV has recently launched the ultimate “…Idol” show: “Idol Idol”.

In “Idol Idol”, religious deities and icons from around the globe compete to discover who really is The One. Early rounds have been tough and seen the elimination of the Hindu god Ganesh, dismissed by judge Pete Waterman because “trunks haven’t been in fashion since the 1960s and don’t get me started on all the arms – Ganesh is just a rubbish idol”.

God (3-1) and Allah (4-1) are favourites to win. The final will be decided in a phone vote but divine intervention is expected. It is suspected that adjudicators Ant and Dec will be “persuaded” to turn a blind eye to this out-and-out cheating through the promise of water into wine, ascendance of the Jiva to the Divine and 72 beautiful virgins awaiting them in the Green Room.