The news that the nation has been waiting to hear has finally been confirmed: frequent tube traveler Queen Elizabeth II has announced that she is alright. She then went on to stun reporters by claiming to be shocked by the events rather than express smugness or take responsibility herself for the explosions as had been predicted. … With at least 33 people reported dead and hundreds more injured, other important and famous people are jostling for attention. We, being the obedient lapdogs of the elite that we are, give it to them.
“It’s clear that if we hadn’t invaded Iraq, these explosions might have been much louder, with some fire maybe. I’m still confident I was right to illegally invade Iraq and kill tens of thousands of innocent people. We used tanks and depleted uranium, and all they can muster is a few bus bombs? ha!”
Lord Sebastian Coe
“This isn’t about the G8 meetings, it’s clearly about my successful 2012 Olympic bid. Al Qaeda know the Olympics are a shining example of freedom and democracy, if you ignore all the advertising deals and the tax money that’s spent on it against peoples wishes.”
“Actually Lord Coe, I’m pretty sure it’s about the G8. We have George W. Bush for heavens sake. All you have is one of the spice girls.”
“One is ok. There is no longer any need to worry. Luckily there were 3 horses and a palace between me and the explosions.”
“These terrorist explosions made me go blind. Also masturbation.”
“I bet you’ll fucking accept the ID card system now you fucking twats.”