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Net Closing on Saddam

News in Brief: Wednesday, May 7th, 2003

Recent sightings of Saddam Hussein have strengthened the theory that the former Iraqi dictator is being secretly harbored by a friendly state. The sightings have been clustered around the area of Detroit, USA. Saddam, who won the key to Detroit city in 1980, has traditionally had strong grassroots support in the area, especially from the Christian community.

Saddam has been a long time supporter of Christians in the area, contributing hundreds of thousands of dollars in charitable donations. Randy McChipski a resident from downtown Detroit was awake preparing a late night snack when Saddam appeared. “At first I heard a fumbling and scratching around the door,” he explained. “I could just make out the figure through the door, the mustache, the beret, it was definitely him.”.

When Saddam finally found his key and opened the door, Mr McChipski reprimanded him for being out so late, and probed as to why he smelt of VX nerve gas. Saddam reportedly explained quite somberly that he wasn’t using the nerve gas, but some of his friends were which is why he smelt of it. He was only drinking coke and he didn’t like the taste of nerve gas anyway especially as it makes him cough.

The CIA have made no statement on the sightings as of yet.

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