USA to Liberate Heaven

The Bush administration this month announced plans to liberate heaven. “The tyranny must come to an end” said George W. Bush in a surprisingly well structured sentence. The Whitehouse suggests that Heaven “shelters terrorists” as “many believe suicide bombers and even Al Qaeda terrorists have been granted a place in Heaven for all eternity.” Heaven is further accused of “not returning prisoners”. “Thousands of our soldiers have died and gone to Heaven during various wars” said US General Thomas ‘Tommyknocker’ Franks. “Heaven has ignored all U.N Security Council demands to return our men, and some of the women. With the fact that weapons inspectors have never been granted access to Heaven under the ‘God’ regime, we have almost all the information we need to invade.” Commander Franks declined to comment further until the results of Heaven’s ‘oil mass balance’ tests are announced.