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War on War

News in Brief: Thursday, July 1st, 2004

As the war in Iraq goes from bad to worse, the White House has recently announced it is taking radical steps in the hope of bringing an end to the bloody conflict. “Following the highly successful War on Terror ™, we’ve decided to launch a War on War,” said Donald ‘HanoverClub’ Rumsfeld at a recent press conference at his palacial Washington offices. “We will accept nothing less than victory over the enemy, even if we ourselves are the enemy. Admittedly, that does make it difficult.”

Staff Sergeant Frank Emdeekay of the 82nd Sledging Regiment, the appointed commander in chief for the campaign, went on to reveal the strategy: “our involvement now is the only way to solve the problems caused by our earlier involvement. We’re going to move quickly and send in waves and waves of troops to quell the fighting between the Iraqi terrorists and the previously deployed Coalition forces. We shall overthrow the undemocratically installed government and free the country from the tyrannical rule of its oppressors, and by that I mean us.”

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