http://newworldodour.co.uk/live Strangely enjoyable, but upsetting Tue, 02 Jun 2009 11:36:45 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en Nick Griffin is watching you.Kinda. Officials say tests have confirmed Britain's first cases of the deadly H5N9 strain of flu. A spokesperson for the European Union's Reference Laboratory for Aryan Influenza said "This virus poses a large-scale threat to all humans of Indo-European origins. Well, the noble ones anyway." As a precuation, some ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/britains-first-case-of-deadly-aryan-flu/ Maps: Terrorist information Two teenage students have been charged in connection with an investigation into suspected terrorist activity abroad, police have said. Irfan Raja, 18, from Ilford, Essex, was charged with making a record of information likely to be useful to a terrorist. Awaab Iqbal, 18, from Bradford, was charged with ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/uk-students-charged-under-terror-act/ Tony Blair, War Criminal At a Downing Street press conference yesterday, the Prime Minister explained his party's stance on the US prison camps in Cuba. "I have said all I want to say on Guantanamo," he said. "I have said it is an anomaly. I have said it should end ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/tony-blair-guantanamo-media-anomaly/ Kay Partcnut, educator, hood wearer and pint sized assassin of Venice A 58-year old school teacher has made the news after being forced to obey an arbitrary rule designed to ostracise and penalise a specific, largely defenseless, group of society. Kay Partcnut was challenged by a security guard over her decision to wear ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/shop-regrets-harassing-paying-customer/ Little Dick Cheney Last week, the New York Times, swiftly followed by other news outlets reported that US Vice President Dick Cheney "Takes Full Responsibility" for accidentally shooting fellow hunter Harry Whittington. This martyraic statement allegedly came from a Fox News interview with Cheney by top Fox dog Brit Hume. While the ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/cheney-denies-responsibility/ Dick Cheney, gun man US Vice President Dick Cheney broke convention this weekend and actually directly harmed another human being. Dick was hunting for quail on a Texas ranch yesterday where he accidentally shot and wounded a companion. "I was utterly shocked" said Katharine Armstrong, the ranch's owner. ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/dick-cheney-directly-harms-human/ A breath dealer provides their next fix In the wake of the death of a youngster attributed to a lip piercing gone MAD, leading doctors have given warnings about other activities that young people are involved with which could lead to disease, death or even worse. "Clinical statistics show that almost 100% ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/breathing-danger-young-people-at-risk/ Robert Excell, the UK-born convicted child rape fiend deported to Britain from Australia arrived at Heathrow last week amid controversy about his benefits package. It is said that the predatory young-boy molesting savage monster devil, who spent almost 148 years in total incarcerated down under, will cost the British ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/rapists-sick-benefits-package/ British Muslims urged to blend in Muslims in the UK have been advised to stay indoors to avoid revenge attacks over the bombings in London today. Concerned about a possible backlash, the British Ministry of Islamic Human Rights has issued a list of recommendations for Muslims in Britain to follow: Internment Stay ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/muslims-go-home/ The news that the nation has been waiting to hear has finally been confirmed: frequent tube traveler Queen Elizabeth II has announced that she is alright. She then went on to stun reporters by claiming to be shocked by the events rather than express smugness or take responsibility herself ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/london-bomb-queen-not-dead/ Within minutes of the reports of explosions in tube stations and busses in London, the Home Office has issued a statement: "Whether these explosions were caused by bombs, terrorismists, communist dictators, weapons of mass destruction or a leaking gas main, we're confident our proposed ID card system would have prevented it. ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/idcard-prevents-london-explosions/ Hospitals in Leicester UK are considering removing bedside Bibles due to recent suggestions that they spread disease. "Our own trials have confirmed these suggestions" said Hospital director Dr. Blackbile. "The trials clearly show that Bibles spread disease, specifically the super bug Christianity." The Christianity disease is unique in that it ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/bibles-spread-super-disease/ Health professionals this week called on government and parliament to pass legislation to protect people from the dangers of the music industry. "The music business is dangerous and if the current use trend continues it is estimated that by 2010, thousands of young professional musicians will die from celebrity-related diseases, such ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/government-to-target-music-industry-health-threat/ The Ministry of Defence has announced that a British soldier died in Southern Iraq after his convoy was attacked. Lieutenant Skabbi Hijabi, of the Iraqi police, described the incident to New World Odour. "The convoy was attacked by either 'freedom fighters', or insurgents. To be honest, it's difficult to ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/uk-soldier-killed-in-iraq-attack/ The revolution is over. The coup was successful. New World Odour is now different. The world will never be the same again. Unless we go back to the old scheme which, to be honest, wouldn't be that difficult. The new regime's manifesto covers this single issue: ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/regime-change/ Robert Kilroy-Silk-CutsAs OPEC puts on the squeeze and petrol prices rise, the country was shocked to discover that oil, as a non-renewable resource, is in fact, non-renewable. Political leaders have joined the general population in a state of amazement. Conservative leader Michael Howard put the blame solely in the hands of ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/non-renewable-resource-non-renewable/ Rt Hon Geoff Hoon MP has joined his cabinet colleagues in supporting the fight against obesity. "The health risks of obesity have long been known," said Hoon from his palacial Ashfield mansion earlier today, "but the true cause of the problem is only now coming to light: we have strong ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/obesity-linked-to-terrorismobesity-linked-to-terrorism/ A press conference on climate change hosted by President Bush went awry recently when he was distracted at a crucial point by a bee, severely limiting his ability to give coherent answers. Ordinarily the President's armed guard ensure this kind of thing doesn't happen, however in this instance they were ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/bush-distracted-by-bee/ "the public want ... a scheme that can provide them with a secure and convenient way of confirming their identity, to protect it from theft, tackle terrorism and organised crime and ensure free public services only go to those entitled to them." - Davey Blunkett. The British people realise that something ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/uk-id-cards-explained/ As George W Bush turned 48 on 6th July, conspiracy theorists across almost one-fifth of the internet have been noting the shocking interconnectivity of it all. Adding together the numbers in his date of birth (06/07/46), one gets 59. Minus his age, 48, from this and you get 11. as ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/happy-birthday-george/ In an inprecedented U-turn maneouvre, the British Government has apologised for the concern it has caused with the recent scaremongering over obesity. David Hinchliffe MP, chair of the Common Health Select Committee, felt compelled to retract the Government's recommendations after the revelation that scientists did not tell them the whole ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/obesity-scaremongering/ The White House has been forced to apologise for misleading the world over Saddam Hussein. The Bush administration repeatedly made claims that Saddam was the devil incarnate, had links with Al Qa'ida, shot JFK, framed Michael Jackson and OJ, caused the US economy to slump causing mass unemployment, invented the ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/white-house-misled-world-over-saddam/ Fearing that appearing inaccessible and out-of-touch may lose him voters come November, George Wubbleyoo Bush has announced unprecedented plans to open up his administration to select members of the viewing public. Intelligence sources close to Bush have reacted with alarm to this move and have demanded that access to the "politics ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/bushy-wonka-and-his-politics-factory/ Mancunian marvel Morrissey met his maker on Monday after having a karmic cardial infarction, caused by decades of healthy living and going to bed early. Morrissey, a lifelong vegetarian and all round stroppy nancy, stammered "look, either those curtains go or I do" then fell facedown on his kitchen floor. ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/morrisey-dead-of-healthy-living/ President 'Big Bad Bush' (as buddies call him) appeared at a press conference recently to address the thorny issues of drug control with top officers in the DEA. Thrilling as it all was for the journalists in attendance, the highlight of their day was most definitely hearing Bush explain away ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/a-spot-of-bother-bennying-bush-blatently-beats-barrister-in-bar-room-brawl/ As the war in Iraq goes from bad to worse, the White House has recently announced it is taking radical steps in the hope of bringing an end to the bloody conflict. "Following the highly successful War on Terror (tm), we've decided to launch a War on War," said Donald ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/war-on-war/ Police have been given more time to question several men held over an alleged bomb plot. The men were arrested this week in raids across south-east England, with detectives also seizing half a ton of fertiliser often used as an explosive. The group of men is believed to be working for ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/uk-terror-threat/ The multi-billionaire steel magnate, Lakshmi Mittal, is to pay 70m pounds for his new home in London making it the most expensive house in the world. The property, a two bedroom flat in East Acton, has been on the market for a little over two months before Mittal put in ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/expensive-house/ There was much panic in Gipton recently after local man Garry fell from a low wall near a Post Office. New World Odour is happy to reveal Garry is doing well. "Things got scary there for a minute, but I was able to take the plaster off my knee this ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/local-man-garry-falls-from-walllocal-man-garry-falls-from-wall/ In the 7 years since the September 2001 terrorist attack, the mass of evidence that has been collected stands taller than the aftermath rubble. The FBI alone has received more leads than there are grains of sand in an Arab's flip-flop. An estimated 85000 Middle Eastern and Muslim immigrant men were ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/know-your-enemy-osmond-bin-laden/ Recent summer-like weather in the north of England can be attributed to Jesus' new sunbeam collection. Farm-buyers this month include the Guinness Book of Norris McWhirter, the CEO of McDonalds and ex-Blue Peter presenter, Caron Keating Caron Keating Keating joined Blue Peter in 1986, bringing style and charisma to a team otherwise devoid ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/deaths-this-month/ Hot on the heels of "Pop Idol" (talentless pretty people singing), "Yacht Idol" (talentless pretty people sailing) and "Poll Idol" (talentless pretty people governing), ITV has recently launched the ultimate "...Idol" show: "Idol Idol". In "Idol Idol", religious deities and icons from around the globe compete to discover who really is ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/idol-idol/ In the wake of the broadcast of photographs of the crash, a startling new theory has come to light regarding the death of Diana, Princess of Wales. Sir John Stevens, the UK's most serious policeman as the chief of Scotland Yard, travelled to France to re-enact the final, fatal journey ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/how-princess-di-ed/ The tragically underexposed Beckham(tm) Couple have been having a spot of marital bother recently after David(tm) admitted he regularly engages in group sex romps with himself. "I'm okay unless I get near any reflective surfaces. I mean look at me, you wouldn't say no would you?" NWO suspects he said. ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/beckham-sex-not-with-wife/ Almost a year after the end of the Great Iraq War of 2003 ("Another War To End All Wars"), the coalition forces led by the US are planning to withdraw remaining troops from the region. "Our goals here have 100% been met," said Gen. Frank "Franky" McFrankfrank of the 325th Airborne ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/war-is-over/ This week's Postal Poll: Should NWO make fun of the European Referendum? Yes No Howard Dean Answers on a postcard to the usual address. http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/european-referendum-referendum/ The UK Post Office (nee, Consignicrap) is in hot water again after a a consumer watchdog reported 14.4 million letters are lost by the "clueless fucktards" every year, 60% of which were simply stuffed through the wrong letterbox. Royal Mail spokesperson Patrick Post agreed to talk to NWO on the ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/fucktards-mail-tardy/ The Home Secretary David Blunkett this week cancelled his appeal for permission to charge prison accommodation costs to all those who have been wrongly convicted. The plan failed due to an influx of expense claims filed against the government by uncaptured criminals. Bernard Fairbrow, of Armley, Leeds, committed an armed ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/government-sued-by-criminals/ Kumbyah my Lord, Kumbuy-a-cinema-ticket. Maverick movie maker Mel "Mad Max" Gibson's new film "The Passion of the Christ" is currently courting controversy and carefully crafted column inches around the globe. The film seemingly provides What Women Want (and men too) from a cinematic story about He who died for our ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/know-your-enemy-christians/ A ceremony to honour 19th century naval hero Arturo Cockweasel has been held in Chile this week, after the discovery that 250,000 schoolbooks have been 'sabotaged' in order to defame his good name. Cockweasel is a national hero who died trying to take control of a Peruvian ship the "Covadonga". ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/cockweasel-slandered/ Some say the scouse singer, songwriter, seamstress and stage superstar Sonia has achieved more in 32 years than most people dream of in a lifetime(tm). However, once you discover her real age is 257 it doesn't seem like much to be proud of. Despite that, the new world odour team ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/sonia-stalker-slays-mother/ Internet portal Yahoo! has bought comparison shopping channel Kelkoo for $576million this month. Reports that the site's name will changed to Yahoo-koo-koo-ka-choo! are as yet unconfirmed. http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/yahoo-serious-money/ Advanced orders for Apple's new smaller iPod have rocketed this week in response to the BPI's "purge on pirates" warning. Consumer tests have shown the new iPod mini, available in a range of candy-colours, is 75% easier to swallow in the event of a BPI raid than the previous "chunky" ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/10000-songs-in-your-digestive-tract/ William Gates III, founder of MicroSoft, has today revealed that he will take the opportunity of his upcoming keynote speech at Sharmans Cross Infant School (Solihull, UK) to talk about a new software distribution initiative to be officially unfurled within the next three months. The news comes in a fiscal climate ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/got-the-windows-but-not-the-shutter/ Release of the much-anticipated third issue of New World Odour was unexpectedly delayed for approximately ten months while the authors were held as terror suspects at Guantanamo Bay. The team of authors say they were subjected to cruel and unusual punishment. "Given the option, we truly would have preferred the usual ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/nwo-authors-camp-xray-release/ The long-anticipated War planning software, which Microsoft says will revolutionize the invasion process, is now available to governments world wide. "This is the Modern Art of War," said Gates. "With War XP you'll fare better at warfare." dot-globalworlddomination War XP is the latest software to test key components of Microsoft's long standing ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/war-xp/ Iraqi prankster, Khalid Al-Beadle, caused a "navigational mishap" in West Baghdad during the recent "liberation". Al-Beadle's favourite joke, changing the direction of roadsigns, confused coalition troops who were attempting to embed themselves in the pockets of resistance around Baghdad. "We had got as far as Poland before any of the ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/iraqi-prankster-causes-navigational-mishap/ Glasgow MP George Galloway has been given the let-go by the gossiping groupees of the general governing group. He has been suspended from the national, socialist Labour party in the UK pending "internal party investigations". George, known to his friends as George, is accused of "bringing the Labour party into disrepute" ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/galloway-galls-government/ After more than ten years of work the human genome project has finally managed to sequence the human genome in its entirety. DNA, the building blocks of the code for life, carries data determining how human beings are constructed, much like a microwave oven. The project however has not been ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/supreme-being-vs-supreme-court/ Is it a cold? Is it the 'flu? No, it's an atypical pneumonia of unknown aetiology and it's here to kill us all. SARS was first recognized at the end of February 2003 and has fast become the word on everyone's lips and the disease in 7296 people's lungs. While its ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/know-your-enemy-sars/ Not to be out done by the Iraqi 'most wanted' pack of cards issued by the US military, Scotland yard has released its new 'most wanted' list on Top Trump cards (example below). "The ten cards are both educational and fun," said Inspector Robert Bobby, "my son just loves them. ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/trumping-with-trumps/ This month saw the 1967thish anniversary of Jesus rising from the dead. Christians see this as a wonderful event in the holy calendar. Anyone that has seen a zombie film though, knows it is a time to RUN FOR YOUR LIFE (or at least walk slightly faster than the standard ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/sweet-zombie-jesus/ Apple this month introduced the new DU iRaq. All DU iRaqs are constructed of high density depleted Uranium alloy, providing protection against incoming fire. The new DU structure is 40% more radioactive than the 'PowerRaq' natural Uranium design, demonstrating that Apple have responded to the customer feedback about slow uptake ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/apple-announce-new-iraq/ The Bush administration this month announced plans to liberate heaven. "The tyranny must come to an end" said George W. Bush in a surprisingly well structured sentence. The Whitehouse suggests that Heaven "shelters terrorists" as "many believe suicide bombers and even Al Qaeda terrorists have been granted a place in ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/usa-to-liberate-heaven/ Now that the war in Iraq is officially over and we can forget about Iraqi people, it is time to focus on the unsung heroes of this war, the high-tech weaponry and systems which allow the USA to defend all of our freedoms from rogue third world countries. I'll spell ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/the-real-heroes-high-tech-weaponry/ Recent sightings of Saddam Hussein have strengthened the theory that the former Iraqi dictator is being secretly harbored by a friendly state. The sightings have been clustered around the area of Detroit, USA. Saddam, who won the key to Detroit city in 1980, has traditionally had strong grassroots support in ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/net-closing-on-saddam/ Swiss military forces acting under command from Vaduz (Lichtenstein) today took control of an Esso forecourt in the town of Malbun (also in Lichtenstein). The chief of state Hans Addams says that "This projection of power is to show the world that we are not a small country and that ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/esso-forecourt-under-occupation/ The first television channel dedicated to reality TV is to be launched in America in January 2004, it was announced this week. Reality Central will broadcast classic re-runs of American shows (like the time that person on 'Survivor' got naked), imported international programmes (like the time that person on Dutch ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/inform-educate-and-entertain/ Political leaders across the Middle East are considering their responses to the long-delayed presentation of the so-called "roadmap" to peace in the region. Understanding that some people in position of power have learning difficulties and/or are stupid, NWO has drawn up its own peace atlas to the region in these terrifically ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/roadmap-to-the-axis-of-peace/ Colon Bowel today warned of 'consequences' if the democrats fail to pull their weight in bringing peace to the world. The warning came amid the latest round of allegations that the democrats were developing chemical weapons, sponsoring terrorism and harbouring members of Saddam Hussein's former regime. Bowel said the US ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/powell-movement/ Hotmail user Buddy VanHolderbeaken was recently shocked to find picken in his in-box. "I'm used to having lots of spam in there but another mixed meat product, well that's really taking the piss," Buddy told NWO. http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/pork-and-chicken-a-taste-sensation/ The British government has come under fire for trialling a new military equal opportunities programme during the war with Iraq. In response to the RNIB's recent statement that unemployment rates for visually impaired people are 2.5 times the national average, Geoffrey Hoon personally hired several sightless sky-captains to pilot helicopters ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/flying-blind/ Sir, Due to your persistent coverage of certain foreign events, I feel that your publication is neglecting it's interests on the home front. I have been trying to report the theft of various items from my shed to the cost of $14bn USD (3.8% GDP). Among the stolen items were a ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/letters-to-the-editor-1/ Fact: Unsurvivable "nuclear winter" is a discredited theory that .. has been used to frighten additional millions into believing that trying to survive a nuclear war is a waste of effort and resources, and that only by ridding the world of almost all nuclear weapons do we have a chance ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-the-bomb/ Today in a press briefing given in Doha, Qataar USAF Gen. Casey Chipowski announced that a new type of precision guided munition had been used for the first time overnight in the bombing of Baghdad. The TIT-42 Tomahawk Cruise missiles are able to deliver a Cocktail of chemical and explosive ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/show-me-the-self-propelled-guided-missiles/ They're small. Theyre inoffensive to the eye. Their juice is one of the main ingredients in Vimto. But you hear me now, theyre evil. Pure EVIL. Not bin Laden evil, or even Dubya evil, but naked-Toyah-Willcox-bent-over-with-a-banana evil. Grapes are one of the top causes of slipping accidents in supermarkets. This is ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/know-your-enemy-grapes/ Catherine Zeta Jones is threatening litigation against the tabloid press and 'Hello' magazine for a recent lack of coverage. Star of "Romancing the Stone" and "War of the Roses", Jones is reported as saying "I'm far too interesting to be ignored, you ignorant English wankers. I was in 'Darling Buds ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/catherine-zeta-moans/ With a number of Internet worms causing problems again over the last few months we're "re-printing" this old article poking fun at the panic stricken Internet security community. Originally published Autumn 2001. Last month saw the Internet infrastructure threatened by the 5th horse-person of the apocalypse; the 22nd plague; a creeping ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/godzilla-vs-code-red/ Nasa has released what it says is the most vivid photograph of the infant universe ever taken. The universe hopes they don't release the ones "where I've got my todger out at bath time or the one from my first birthday party when there is crap running out of the ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/baby-universe-photos/ CNN military pundit Chip Chukowski was discovered trapped today in his armchair. Police spokesperson Burger McPepsi said "Mr Chukowski had become the victim of catastrophic armchair failure". Witnesses say he was "right in the middle of a lofty sounding quote from Jane's Defence when BAM! The armchair just swallowed him right ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/security-pundit-trapped/ Dear "President" Bush. we are writing to you in the hope that you can read. If not, we trust someone will read it aloud for you. Hi Tony. We are avid watchers of the television (which we am sure you will appreciate) and we could not help noticing the unpleasant situation in ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/open-letter-to-president-bush/ During their recent searches in Iraq, UN inspectors found a stash of weapons of masturbation in Uday Hussein (pictured)'s bedroom. Upon being confronted with his collection of 'Nasty Hijabis', 'Razzle' and 'Big Titted American Women Suck Arab Cock', Uday is reported as saying "no, Dad, I was looking after them ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/weapons-of-mass-turbation/ The ancient Last of the Summer wine actress died this month, in a freak stair-lift accident. "She was just doing a test run for a new TV advert and then bang! It went out of control!" said her agent Felix de Wolfe. "It fired her up into the air ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/actress-dame-thora-hird-dies/ A large number of lower body parts left over from Gulf war have been discovered in Iraq. Chief weapons inspector Hans Blix estimates that the disembodied legs of over 30 dead soldiers stacked up on top of each other would reach almost 60 feet. http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/arms-inspectors-find-only-legs/ The world leader in sportswear today announced sponsorship of another world leader, George W. Bush. In a first of its kind deal, Nike are to provide US soldiers with Nike brand trainers modified to offer protection against sand, oil and bio-chemical warfare related slippery surfaces. Chuck Chuckinski, a US army ... http://newworldodour.co.uk/live/archive/nike-sponsor-war-on-iraq/